MARRIAGE SEMINAR & WORKSHOP – LESSON 2

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Section 2.1 – THE BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE & WORKING TOGETHER

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.”

The PEW Research Center found that, “Most Americans (69%) say cohabitation is acceptable even if a couple doesn’t plan to get married.”

Sadly then, most Americans do not know that cohabitation is not what God has ever intended for men and women.  In Hebrews 13:4 it says,

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

But PEW also found that, “Married adults have higher levels of relationship satisfaction and trust than those living with an unmarried partner” [1]

There are many reasons to get married.  If living together looks appealing to you, rather than getting married right away, then you should look at all the benefits of being married.

1. Your finances will be combined and therefore your purchasing power will be more efficient and profitable.  Most unmarried couples never effectively spend money together, even if they have been living together for a decade.  The reason?  There is no commitment except for statements like, “I’ll never leave you.” Even if that is true, financial trust is a big hurdle, and no matter how much you may try to work together, there is always going to be a subtle thought, “I’m spending more of my money to live here than he/she is”.
2. Both of you bring strengths and weaknesses to your marriage.  Both of you married will in the same way share the workload, or if unmarried, will attempt to do the things in the home that will primarily serve yourself.  In a marriage setting, the ego is more easily defeated and each of you will eventually do for the family what you individually are better at doing. I’ve noticed over the years that there is a primary and secondary breadwinner, a primary and secondary house cleaner, a primary and secondary planner, and a primary and secondary follow through person. The one with the superior skill sets will do what they are particularly good at and leave the things for their spouse that they are not very good at.  That is how a good marriage operates.  Unmarried couples rarely are able to function at that high level of conservation of effort and unity.

Section 2.1 – QUESTIONS

1. Give two financial benefits of marriage. ____________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Married people are less happy than those that cohabitate. True or False? __________
3. Most Americans think living together is okay.  True or False? ________
4. Two are better than one because you can resist an attack better.  True or False? ________
5. Those that live together save just as much money as married folks. True or False? _______
6. God thinks it is okay if you live together for a while to make sure you found the right mate.  True or False? ______
7. Married couples share the household work better than unmarried couples.  True or False? ______

Section 2.1 – DISCUSSION

List 3 practical reasons that you agreed to get married to your spouse, not including love.  (3 min)

1.___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________________

List 2 things that you learned about your housekeeping skills only after you were married.  (2 min)

1.___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

Section 2.2 – MARRIAGE & CHILDREN

Psalm 127:3,

“Behold, children are a gift of Yahweh, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”

If the first mistake of marriage consideration is to hold off, or to live together first, then the second is almost as regrettable. That is not having children, or not having children right away after marriage.  In over 50% of the pre-marriage interviews I have conducted in 40 years, the married or future married couple declare that they will have children when they have enough money, when they are ready to settle down, or when they are mature enough to raise kids. I want to share with you a number of fallacies about that kind of thinking.

The first is the money issue. No doubt children cost money, and then there is whether mom will stay home rather than work.  But something happens when your first baby is on the way that changes young and middled aged parents. First, you take time to plan ahead and budget your time and resources.  Second, you begin to give up youthful and foolish behavior that you could not shake off before.  Third, you start to look to the future in a way that you never would have without children, i.e., school, college, home shopping, and transportation requirements. Fourth, there is the anointing that comes from raising children, where God Himself takes a personal interest in your ability to afford and nurture your children. God begins to provide for you in special ways.

Genesis 1:27-28,

“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.  God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth…”

To be, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth”, is to have children, many children. To be fruitful and to multiply yourself.  The command from God right in Genesis is clear, multiply yourself, and fill the earth with people as a result. I understand the thinking of a small family having one or two children, but that does not come under the heading of multiplying, but simply adding. Multiplying suggests more than duplication of the two parents, instead it hints at more children than that.

There is a great lie being perpetrated in America today, that started maybe hundreds of years ago or longer.  That is, the earth is going to be overpopulated and we need to have some population control.  This is in part of the reasoning for abortion demand, and mass media campaigns to strike fear into people.  The end result is this; that only peoples and religions that do not allow that kind of thinking to mold and limit their family, are the ones who are growing rapidly.  Research centers that follow these patterns have shown statistically, that Christians in America will be outnumbered by Muslims by the year 2050. Surprising, isn’t it?

Psalms 127:3-5,

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”

God promises that a man or woman that has an abundance of children will be blessed, and that children are a reward to the parents. Children are also a blessing when they become adults, because they give strength and protection to the family as a whole. 

Section 2.2 – QUESTIONS

1. God said in Genesis that the world will eventually become overpopulated. True or False? __________
2. Religion teaches us that we are all supposed to have a dozen children. True or False? ________
3. God tells us in the Psalms that there is a blessing for having children. True or False? ________
4. Joseph and Mary waited to have children. True or False? _______

Section 2.2 – DISCUSSION

When you got married, what were your plans to have children? (3 min)

1.___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

Now that you are married with children, what advice would you give to young couples concerning children?  (2 min)

1.___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

Section 2.3 – THE TRINITY OF MARRIAGE

A Christian home is to have order.  To understand this order, we must turn to the Word of God for our direction. In Matthew 22:36-40 we read,

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law? 

Notice this, that God the Father comes first, and our earthly relationships come second. You’ll hear many say, “I am sacrificing everything for my children”.  But this is backwards, isn’t it?  We should sacrifice everything for God, and then everything else will fall into order.  Parents often sacrifice godly events, for the students’ activities.  Sunday morning events at the fair, and Wednesday evening events often squeeze God completely out of the child’s mind, because of what the parents feel they need to do. After decades repeatedly missing Sunday services and Wednesday bible studies, what will your children have to hang onto in a time of trouble? Again, Jesus gives us additional insight in Matthew 10:37-39,

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.”

Both parents and children must insert this rule into the other rules of order in the home.  What if to honor a parent, a teenager follows error and sin, instead of following God? What if a husband has no desire for godly leadership in the home?  Should the godly wife also not lead the children into salvation, because the man is the head of the household? No. Jesus addresses both possible circumstances by saying,

“he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me”. 

The cross here is the shoulder of responsibility that one must carry in doing the right thing in the home in the Father’s eyes.  Doing the right thing is often difficult, but it becomes easier when we know that the grace of God will support us in this endeavor.

Now we come to the trinity of the marriage structure.

Colossians 3:18-21

“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

Notice that marriage is a trinity, father, mother and children.  There is biblical order to a marriage and family, and when it is not followed, then Satan will attempt to bring disarray in your relationship with your spouse and children.  Notice that all three levels of the family and home have a moral responsibility to each other and to God.  Whenever you practice these things, you make for a happy home and a content society!

Section 2.3 – QUESTIONS

1. Jesus said that if we wear a cross, we are following God. True or False? __________
2. Jesus said to love our neighbor just as much as we love God. True or False? ________
3. Jesus said to get a divorce if your spouse is not saved. True or False? _______

Section 2.3 – DISCUSSION

With the idea that we can all learn things to improve our home life, what two things can you improve in your home? (3 min)

1.___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

Given all that we have learned so far, what three positive things would you want your children to learn and practice after they grow up?  (4 min)

1.___________________________________________________________________

2. __________________________________________________________________

3. __________________________________________________________________

Section 2.4 – INTIMACY & COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

In this section we will discuss proper communication, and the trust and intimacy that it provides to each partner in the marriage.  Note that we are in three parts, as described here in 1 Thessalonians 5:23,

“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

When we talk about verbal intimacy, we are really talking about letting your spouse get to really know you and about getting to know your spouse deeper.  When you were dating, this is exactly what you were doing, communicating, learning, digging; using all the tools you had to determine if this is the one for you.  Once we get married, this starts to erode, for various reasons.  Kids, career, and family, even comfort, all pull away the desire to continue to communicate at a deep and satisfying level.

For example, notice when at a noon business luncheon, or a party, or some event, that both spouses seem to have an endless amount of social energy and creative relationship skills.  But when they get home that night, they have nothing for the spouse, nothing.  There is no interaction, no discussions, no heart-felt intimacy about the events of the day or feelings of passion for life, that you expressed just hours earlier.  It should really operate on the flip side, by keeping your opinions to yourself in public, and sharing your excitement about the day with your spouse.

This is how to do this, even when you are very busy.  Structure a daily talk time, maybe right after morning prayer and ask each other the question, “What does your day look like today?”.  Later in the day, at the proper times, call your spouse and communicate the events in your day so far.  Most older working couples have learned that this phone call time is a worthwhile daily practice. Then set aside a time at night to ASK EACH OTHER QUESTIONS!  “How was your day, who did you see or talk to, how do you feel about this idea I have… “This time will be well spent and will keep the devil from you both heading in different directions and then you wondering how it happened.  This is a non-tv time, with it either off, or on mute. No phones, no taking calls, and no other distractions.  Just 10-15 minutes set aside as a rule will launch the intimacy in your marriage to a new level.

Section 2.4 – DISCUSSION

What 2 things can you begin to do to improve verbal intimacy with your spouse right away?  (3 min)

1.___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

Section 2.5 – HOMEWORK- WEEK 2

Here is your daily homework to practice as a couple for the next 7 days.

1.  Pray the Our Father daily together. Although not discussed yet, the family that prays together stays together.  Then pray for other things as well.
2. Begin to set aside a meeting time three times a day to talk about your day with your spouse.  Make it a pattern to follow daily.
3. Also, talk about what changes you both could make to serve God better in your marriage. (This is to be non-confrontational)
4. Compliment each other at least 3 times a day.
5. Fulfill your marriage duties.
6. Tell your spouse daily that you love him/her.
7. Practice PDA daily, and let your kids see it!

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[1] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/11/06/key-findings-on-marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/