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Section 3.1 – SEX & THE MARRIAGE TRINITY
1 Corinthians 7:2,
“But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.”
In Genesis we read that we have been made in three parts as God is in three parts. That is clearly demonstrated frequently while dating and courting. But notice how quickly emotions and the pull of daily responsibilities blind

marriages from their three-part make-up. While courting, you probably couldn’t keep your hands off one another, but after a few years of marriage, intimacy many times disappears altogether.
While courting, image mattered, and as a result for most of us, our emotions (the soulish nature) took over, and our flesh desired fulfillment. The soul consists of our mind, our will and our emotions. Your spiritual walk with God was important to many of you while dating, that is if He was considered at all, in the process leading up to marriage. Now, many couples boast in the Lord, but have forgotten the natural side of themselves, “WHICH GOD HAS MADE”. In John 1:3 we read, “All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.”
Psalms 85:6 says, “Will You not Yourself revive us again, That Your people may rejoice in You?” I pray daily, for revival in every family and in every marriage, that has peered into this ministry for the last 27 years. If revival is going to break out in your marriage, then all three parts of man, spirit, soul, and BODY, must experience revival!
As spouses you have three responsibilities that top all the others. That is to 1.) Keep God at the center of your marriage, 2.) to reach the soul of your mate in positive ways, and 3.) to be physically interactive with your mate. You should eat every day, connect with God every day, bless your spouse every day, and be sexually active regularly.
The Bible passages I use regularly in marriage counseling are found in 1 Corinthians 7,
“1. Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
3. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Let’s look at the truths that the apostle Paul reveals to us here. In verse 2, Paul says that your physical makeup and construction, built by God’s design and intentions, will cause you to want to be intimate with the opposite sex. To prevent immoral behavior, he recommends that every person should marry. When sexual desires have been gratified, the opportunity for immoral behavior decreases greatly.
In the Genesis creation week on day 5, God said “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it…” The sexual desire was placed inside of you for a reason, so that you would naturally follow God’s command to fill and populate the earth. Without the sex drive, we would hardly be inspired to fulfill that command; finding work, rest and other things more interesting and important. Without our biological sex drive, most of us might not exist at all. Paul makes no apologies for talking about this biological embedded hunger in all of us.
Then in verse 3, Paul commands the spouse in each marriage to “fulfill his duty”, a command to continue on with your carnal responsibilities. In my many years of marriage counseling, I’ve heard many women say this, “He wants me all the time”. So, the question I have is this. Why then, when you were dating, that “He wants me all the time” was not a problem, but an exciting aspect of your relationship? Now, why does that same behavior appear to be a drawback in your marriage?
A man in the 1960’s was driving one of those big cars with bench seats and no seat belts listening to his wife complain. She said, “You never sit next to me anymore”. He replied holding the steering wheel, “But, I’ve never moved”. So it is with marriage, and many times the things that first attracted you to each other, take a back seat to problems that are facing your marriage right now.
What then does, “fulfill your duty” mean? It means to give of yourself sexually, out of duty, when nature fails to inspire you to do your duty. Each of us are living organisms, with needs and desires, and compelling drives, that we fail to fully understand.
Want to have an inspired marriage? First, press into God together on behalf of your marriage. Start praying that revival breaks out in your marriage, no matter what condition it is in, or how bad it has become. Second, interact with your spouse on the intellectual and practical levels. Ask, “How was your day?”, and listen for the answer. Find out what has been driving them all day, and get inside their head, and be a real mate and partner. Third, fulfill your marriage vows in the bedroom. Sex is not to be a bargaining chip for alleged bad behavior, pay performance, lack of romance, or simply being disinterested. Paul said, “because of immoralities”. Should you fail to leave out any of these three basic requirements of the institution of marriage, you could well be responsible before the Judgment Seat of God, if something happens to the marriage.
I’ve heard the reasons for such behavior in counseling, but in the end, it always comes down to some form of rebellion to the truth of God’s will for our lives. A good marriage is not two perfect people coming together and staying together as long as everything is still perfect. Marriages test our resolve to serve God is a special way.
Those that shut their spouse out do so for many reasons, which we will study in later lessons. You must be aware at all times of how you are relating to your spouse and why your behavior is like it is. This self-awareness is there to protect you from the pressure of the world and the age that we are living in.
Section 3.1 – QUESTIONS
- List two of God’s reasons for sex in marriage. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- The apostle Paul believed that everyone should be married because of temptation. True or False? __________
- People are more likely to be excited about sex after they have been married for 10 years. True or False? ________
- Marriage has three major components just as we are made in three parts. True or False? ________
- Man is made in three parts: spirit, soul and blood. True or False? ________
- What are the three parts of the soul? __________________________________________
- Name a book and chapter of the New Testament that has instructions about marital sex? _______________________________________________.
Section 3.1 – DISCUSSION
Prior to this course, did you ever think that sex in marriage was a biblical command? List 2 practical ways that you can be a better loving partner in your marriage. (3 min)
1.___________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________
Now that you are married, has your love life with your spouse improved, stayed the same, or decreased? Give two reasons, that fall under your personal responsibility, as to why this may have happened. (2 min)
1.___________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________
Section 3.2 – GODLY SEXUAL INTIMACY
A Pew Research poll[1] found this:
“Love tops the list of Americans’ reasons to marry. About nine-in-ten Americans (88%) cited love as a very important reason to get married, ahead of making a lifelong commitment (81%) and companionship (76%), according to a 2013 Pew Research Center survey. Fewer said having their relationship recognized in a religious ceremony (30%), financial stability (28%) or legal rights and benefits (23%) were very important reasons to marry.

As far as what helps people stay married, married adults said in a 2015 survey that having shared interests (64%) and a satisfying sexual relationship (61%) were very important to a successful marriage. More than half (56%) also named sharing household chores.”
If love refers to intimacy, both physically and emotionally, then why do we have to be reminded to continue that behavior, as when we were first married? Let’s refer again to I Corinthians 7:3-5,
3. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
The apostle Paul continues in this chapter to clarify many misunderstood concepts about sexual relations. One concept we touched on, is the weaponization of sex in the marriage, thru deprivation. Sex as a weapon to starve your partner, deprives them of the chemical benefits that are manufactured because of sex. During sexual activity, the body releases several hormones, including:
Dopamine: Also known as the “feel-good hormone”, dopamine is released in response to pleasure and can activate libido.
Endorphins: These brain chemicals have opiate-like properties that can help reduce pain and regulate mood.
Oxytocin: Sometimes called the “love drug” or “happy hormone”, oxytocin can create feelings of intimacy and relaxation, and can also act as a bonding hormone between partners. Women are generally more sensitive to oxytocin than men.
Vasopressin: This hormone can help men bond with their partners and can also instill a protective instinct.
Adrenaline: This neurotransmitter is produced in the adrenal glands and can cause an increase in heart rate, blood flow to muscles, and arterial dilation. These changes are thought to be a result of the feeling of euphoria during sex.
These chemicals are naturally produced as a result of lovemaking and extend the life of your body and bring a chemically induced sense of well-being.
The National Library of Medicine reports these findings.[2]
“Between 65 and 85 years, married men and women had a longer TLE (total life expectancy) and ALE (active life expectancy) than unmarried men and women. For example, at 65 years, TLE for married men was 18.6 years,
2.2 years longer than unmarried men,
and ALE for married men was 12.3 years,
2.4 years longer than unmarried men.
Similarly, at 65 years, TLE for married women was 21.1 years,
1.5 years longer than unmarried women,
and ALE for married women was 13.0 years,
2.0 years longer than unmarried women.
Such marriage protection effects decreased with age. In subgroups of unmarried persons, never married persons had the shortest TLE and ALE among men, and never married, divorced, and widowed persons had a similar, and shorter, TLE and ALE among women. The difference in TLE between married and unmarried persons was smaller after adjusting for baseline activity limitation status.”
Your ability to keep your marriage healthy and happy is your responsibility. How often you display your carnal side to your spouse will result in them being happier, healthier and living longer. And, the more you participate in lovemaking with your spouse, will also cause you to live longer and be happier too!
Section 3.2 – QUESTIONS
- Sex is sometimes used in marriages as a weapon against the spouse. True or False? __________
- The apostle Paul said that we have complete control over our own body. True or False? _________
- Happily married couples do not live as long as happy single people. True or False? _________
Section 3.2 – DISCUSSION
What two reasonable concessions are you both willing to make to correct and improve your love life? (4 min)
1.___________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________
What three pieces of advice would you be willing to give to married couples who are having difficulty in their marriage? (2 min)
1.___________________________________________________________________
2. __________________________________________________________________
3. __________________________________________________________________
Section 3.3 – KISS & MAKE UP QUICKLY
Another element in love making is the hidden spiritual impact on the soul. In Mark 10:8-9 Jesus says,
“AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Jesus is stating a spiritually obvious point, that when you are joined together, you become one flesh, and communicate on levels that you cannot detect verbally or intellectually. Throughout the day, you are each bombarded with all kinds of thoughts and ideas, and neither of you will have the exact same impressions and thoughts at the end of the day. This will cause you to begin to go different directions without you realizing it. So, let’s look again at I Corinthians 7:5,
“Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
This deprivation will naturally cause you to drift in different directions in all the three parts of your man, referring to your spirit, soul and body. So, how often is too much or too little sex? Notice he says, “except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer”, referring to a time of prayer and fasting, which is understood as a period of three days. In Esther 4:16 we find, “and fast for me; do not eat or drink for three days…”. Three days is understood as the LONGEST time to stay apart.[3]
You NEED to communicate with your spouse on a deeper level than a date, or flowers or conversation. If you are fighting, more than likely you are not on the same level with each other. Ephesians 4:26-27 says,
“BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
If you are fighting, talk it out and do not sleep until you somehow resolve the issue, and seal the night with lovemaking as a rule, not a desire. This will strengthen the bonds of peace between both of you.
Finally, I refer you to the Love Chapter, 1 Corinthians 13:3-7,
“If I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Practice this part of the Bible in your marriage regularly and watch it improve!
Section 3.3 – QUESTIONS
- Genesis chapter 7 is referred to as the Love Chapter. True or False? _________
- Our spirit talks with our spouse with unheard language as a result of lovemaking. True or False? ________
- Married women live about 2 years longer than unmarried women. True or False? ________
Section 3.3 – DISCUSSION with Each Other now and later
What two things did you learn from this lesson that you can put into practice right away? (3 min)
1.___________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________
Will you vow to yourself to make one improvement learned in this workshop? What will the improvement be and how do you think it will help your relationship with your spouse? (4 min)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Section 3.3 – HOMEWORK- LESSON 3
Here is your daily homework to practice as a couple for the next 30 days.
- Pray the Our Father daily together. The family that prays together stays together. Then pray for other things as well.
- Set aside a meeting time three times a day to talk about your day with your spouse. Make it a pattern to follow daily.
- Talk to each other about your love life and develop bonds on a spiritual level.
- Enjoy lovemaking more often and pay attention to the difference in your moods and feelings.
- Also, talk about what changes you both could make to serve God better in your marriage. (This is to be non-confrontational)
- Compliment each other at least 3 times a day.
- Fulfill your marriage duties.
- Tell your spouse daily that you love him/her.
- Practice PDA daily, and let your kids see it!
[1] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/02/13/8-facts-about-love-and-marriage/
[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7452000/
[3] There are other health and Mosaic reasons not mentioned here.

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